Over
the last few months Larry and I have been asking God to speak to us about our
journey and the kingdom work into which God has called us. Through the Advent
season, we were not just remembering Advent – we were living Advent as we waited to hear God speak.
Prayers
rose up.
Tears rolled down.
One word spoken – “think on this one thing”
and then simply…
Wait.
On
December 15th I read this excerpt from God is in the Manger, a collection of the advent writings of Dietrich
Bonhoeffer, a man whose final years on earth were spent living in the
difficulty and blessing of watching and waiting.
“The only ones who can wait are people who carry restlessness
around with them and people who look up with reverence to the greatest in the
world. Thus, Advent can be celebrated only by those whose souls give them no
peace, who know that they are poor and incomplete, and who sense something of
the greatness that is supposed to come, before which they can only bow in
humble timidity, waiting until he inclines himself toward us—the Holy One
himself, God in the child. God in the manger.”
A
wise word from a brother pastor, recorded in the past and spoken in the
present.
The truth of his words made their way into me like the breath Ezekiel prayed into
the dry bones.
This was me.
"Carry restlessness."
“Advent can be celebrated only by those
whose souls give them no peace…”
Live Advent.
That revelation of tasting my poverty and incompleteness in order to sense
something of the greatness of God, it brought me to my knees as I literally trembled,
waiting for the Holy One to incline himself toward me. God in the Christ child, God in the manger.
God came near, but not in the same familiar ways that I had
experienced God in the past…
-
Not in a familiar scripture text.
-
Not in a devotional word.
-
Not in a worship song or a sacrament or an emotion.
-
Not in a fantasmic display of God’s sovereign existence: transcendence and
immanence at once speaking to my soul.
The revelation of God’s self and our journey path came in gentle and quiet ways -
just like an infant in a manger.
Watching
fog settle on the lake.
Eugene Peterson speaking, “practice
resurrection”
- do something that is out of your
control and even beyond your imagination.
Soren Kierkegaard whispering, “to dare is
to momentarily lose one’s footing; not to dare is to lose oneself.”
Brene Brown reminding me that “vulnerability
is not weakness,” but rather the beginning of belonging to my true self that
is found in Christ.
Henri Nouwen patiently saying, this is how you go about “being the beloved.”
Carry
restlessness.
Practice resurrection.
Lose your footing.
Embrace vulnerability.
Be the Beloved.
And so if you haven’t heard already let me share that this coming July, Larry
and I and our youngest son Jesse will return to a place that we know and love
and to people we know and love in the same intersection of ministry in the
church and higher education as we go to live and work in Manila, Philippines at
Asia-Pacific Nazarene Theological Seminary (APNTS) where Larry has been elected
as their next President.
*Sappy proud-spouse warning!*
I
am so proud of Larry and so happy for APNTS! Larry embodies the best balance of
humility and confidence, servant and leader delivered with a big smile and a heart
for God.
Living advent was uncomfortable.
Living in the change isn’t much better.
That in-between-time where you only see the things in front of you that are
being taken away and you don’t see or cannot even imagine all that you will
gain.
That’s where I am today – and maybe where we are as a family (although I don’t
want to speak for all of us.)
Prayers rise up.
Tears roll down.
One word spoken (or five if you want to get technical) - “APNTS” - think on
this one thing.
and then simply…
Go.
